35 Useless Inventions That Will Bankrupt Any Person

A marketable product has to solve a problem. Just like Einstein, that idea should light a room! It should be able to facilitate work and increase productivity. Otherwise, your ingenious idea is bound to fail. We commend people who have the drive to turn ideas into commercial successes. But never overlook practicality. Research, conduct studies and ask your target audience. Before investing millions of dollars in a prototype, fine-tune! You wouldn’t want your idea to bankrupt a founding company, like these items. Some of them were downright useless. Here’s a bunch of wasteful ideas that could have been useful. From a chopstick that merges sticks and fake hands to a pair of glasses with a funnel for easy eye drop access, these inventions sure make our list for being some of the strangest inventions.

Dry Feet

Hate having your feet get wet while walking in the rain? Those thousand-dollar shoes you’re out and about flaunting will surely get ruined. While you hesitate to duck under the cover of a nearby shoe store, try purchasing a pair of these instead

Your feet get a pair of umbrellas. Just in case you forget to bring one instead, you can use one stiletto to duck over while you enclose both feet under the other umbrella. Can you imagine trying to walk in heels and navigate having an umbrella over your foot?

Peeping Tom

Everything just seems doubly exciting when you’re looking through peepholes or keyholes. Your curiosity is piqued and you catch yourself drawn to things that would normally bore you. Add in the fact that you get to focus on one subject at a time.

The only problem is having to step over manholes or cones. When you’re focusing on a single subject, your whole periphery is going to be blocked. When wearing these glasses, we suggest that your insurance premium has been fully paid beforehand.

DVD Rewinder

To be fair, DVDs emerged roughly a decade after your VHS tapes. Those tapes have to be rewound before inserting them in the player, otherwise you’re going to be met with the credits for an introduction. But the advantage of a DVD is that you won’t have to manually rewind it. Simply press the “previous” button.

Or you can press the number of the corresponding chapter. What’s there to rewind in the first place? All multi-player sets have a built-in reminder, but this one is sans the speaker and the USB ports. Are we really all that lazy?

Packing Heat

We hate over-charging our laptops or even having to reminded to charge them at all. When we’re fixing the cables to put them away, the main unit can get scalding hot. It’s hot enough to place a pan over and sauté some vegetables on.

Why let that device needlessly conduct all that lovely, dangerous heat and let it go squandered? Doesn’t that make you hungry? All you have to do is plug the same technology used for charging your phone to reheat yesternight’s dinner! Seems totally foolproof, right?

Air Pods for a Lifetime

Who doesn’t love overpriced items? One of these includes airpods. The only fickle thing to your love-hate relationship with them is that they can be easily dislodged from your ears. Lose one and you’d have to acquire a new pair. Buy multitudes of them in one going and then closet them in this!

Now all you will have to worry is settling your due credit by the end of the month. You will have airpods to last your lifetime but by next season they’ll probably be out phased by something else. But look how cute they all look snuggled up together.

Shove It Like The Swiss

The beauty of a Swiss knife is that it’s handy and that it houses a little of several functions — nail cutting, filing, unscrewing, and the like. Someone tried to apply the same concept with farming tools. Would you dare put your back into gardening with this tool?

You’d need a strong back to leverage that pickaxe and shovel soil. We can only exert enough work to dig a foot-deep hole. That won’t be enough to plant a row of corn in. Can you imagine the kind of accidents that could result from a thing like this?

Wearable TV Screen

When shutting the world out, you only have limited options. You can either use earphones that have cables that can be pulled, or oversized t-shirts that will hopefully disguise you. But there aren’t any to cater to your visual entertainment.

Now you can watch your favorite Korean drama using this TV hat personal theater. Simply place your phone on the far end. Plug in your earphones, hit play, and then expect someone to easily cut in front of you in line.

Toilet Cap Dispenser

This is another good alternative when you’re out on an errand. You wouldn’t have to dig in your bag and shuffle through the various items. You can simply pull and tear off the necessary plies of tissue, blow, then discard.

Sure, you might feel like you need this when you’re having a nasty allergy attack. The only disadvantage is that it’s prone to thievery. If toilet paper is such an important commodity, someone will come at you and steal the headpiece for that roll. That’s a hazard.

Red-Nosed Human

During the Yuletide season almost every square inch of your body is covered in layers of cloth, except your face. You sniffle from the cold, and you hope there’s something to keep it warm. Masks are too thin. Scarves are too effeminate. But nose warmers are just perfect for the job.

Now you won’t have to look like a bad Rudolph impersonator. Sniffle no more in the blistering cold, but we advise you to use this product for max 2 minutes. Go beyond that and you might just end up going unconscious.

Wipers on Glasses

This would be very useful if rain starts pouring while you’re cycling. You would have been forced to pull to a curb and wait it out under a shade- wasting nearly an hour of paid work. But now you can get to the office on time fully drenched to the core.

The only drawback of this lens wiper is that it’s manual. There aren’t any batteries or machines to power swiping from side to side. It defeats the purpose of wearing them when you have to keep both hands on the handles.

Proper Hygiene

Now that handwashing has become a necessity, so should good hygiene. All you need to do is spend a few more minutes flossing and brushing your teeth. You don’t even have to thread each tooth. Simply sew on that floss into this item.

Sewing will take more time than regular flossing, but that’s okay. It looks cool. That’s more than enough to intimidate your dental plaque into receding further into your gums. Just imagine pulling this out in front of your significant other, without explanation, one night before bed.

Itch Relief

While focused on gameplay, you would be deeply inconvenienced by an itch that you’d have to scratch. You try soothing it with your other calf but it’s ineffective. You have to bend over and fold your pants. Thank heavens for this calf scratcher.

Now, you don’t even have to go to all that unnecessary trouble of bending over. Keep that rigid posture erect and unyielding to the demands of nature. Simply run your calf against the teeth of this device and keep firing.

Making Toast with Musk

When you become an entrepreneurial multimillionaire before reaching the age of 30, it seems everyone would want a piece of you. Literally, they’d have you stamped on every toast. Visitors would be well-warned how much we’re avid fans of the CEO of SpaceX.

After founding Paypal, previously known as X.com in the ’90s, Tesla Motors, and Space X, we would buy into the idea that Musk crafted a self-serving toaster to ingratiate himself. It’s not like he doesn’t deserve it! What spread would you like to top him with?

Zipper Max Pants

Ever want to alternate between shorts and pants during an outing? Say you want tan lines from the knees down while hanging out in the beach, or wading in the pool? This item allows you to remove a foot or two of jean material to your liking.

Now you can look just about as posh as the Britons themselves. Pair with your loafers or you can sport a smart casual attire within a couple of minutes. This fashion statement is bound to be the talk of the town.

Neighborhood Walk

This requires some degree of exertion but we think it’s worth it. We bet your goldfish has always wanted to view the neighborhood and drop by the basketball court, or at the very least swim with the ball in the tank.

You’re going to clean the water anyway. Have a friendly neighborhood ball say hi to it personally. Imagine being paid by the hour for being a goldfish-walker. At last, your scaly pal can get a chance to get out and see the world!

Supreme Cookies

Ever loved a brand so badly that you wanted it to manufacture food products too? Say Nike offering penne pasta, or Reebok featuring electrolyte drinks along with their sportswear. Well, Oreo partnered with Supreme and millions bought resales for the same “original” taste.

Instead of bidding, how about you make them yourself? You can spend twice the time creating cookies with “Supreme” stamped on them which your gut can’t decipher at all. Would you be willing to betray your longtime lover, the Oreo, for this colorful concoction?

On A Diet

People who are sticking to a specific calorie intake per day would love this basic necessity: bottled water advertised as diet water! We have always known that water bottles never had calories in them, but hey, we’d pay a few dollars more to comply with our diet.

No electrolytes, no added nutritional contents, no artificial flavors — just fresh water (or distilled tap water) bottled, branded, distributed, and sold to you in the name of capitalism. Just the thought alone has us feeling skinnier already! We can practically taste the rip-off.

Computer Reboot

Have to do a computer reboot but with only one spare hand? It’s not your fault for having to multi-task with a bag of Cheerios in the other. You haven’t finished, and you’d have to lick the crumbs off your fingers. Browse through your office desk and whisk that wand.

Plunge down and wait for a couple of seconds. If that doesn’t work and a period appears, make sure to turn the number lock off. Or you can just wash and press the control, alt, and delete buttons like normal people.

Toilet Dispenser

Now that there are finite resources of toilet paper, you’d need to control the use of your supplies with a bit more oversight than you usually would. This toilet dispenser electronically gives you a square per trip to the bathroom. Neat, right?

Okay, probably not neat, but you can always wash your hands. If you do have guests come over, they would be compelled to save your supplies too. A good alternative is always a pail and bucket! Let them enjoy the simpler pleasures in life.

Head Guard

Just in case you stand within the average height of an American male or female, you might need one of these fabulously helpful inventions to take around with you on your daily commutes. You need a little clearance from your co-commuters.

Having to remind them of that social distance can be taxing. Imagine having to say “excuse me, you’re getting awfully close, I need at least 5 inches of distance from your forehead to mine”. The train doors will have closed by the time you finished.

Think Tamagotchi

This pet rock reminds us of a Tamagotchi, minus the battery, bathing and the feeding. This was quite the rave in the ’70s. Someone actually made money off of it. Now, you could plug it in your laptop, and have it still do nothing.

If you have ports that are unused, or just in case you want to complicate your work life by inefficiently using one, have a pet rock accompany you while you finish that 3000-word deadline. We know he’ll give you the confidence you need!

Driving To Work

You can’t get yelled at with the persistence you show on and off work. Imagine having to be stuck in traffic, or driving at 80 mph while typing on your laptop. All you need is this driving desk — for one of those self-driving cars, of course.

How’s that for show? It’s best to pair this with one of Elon Musk’s auto-driving cars, and just about nothing else whatosever. You want to get to work in one piece or at least have that file saved on a flash drive as a precautionary measure.

Waterproof Onesie

If you’ve ever gone camping, you would want to sleep in a cocoon free from the possibility that critters fall on you or crawl towards your bunk bed. This onesie is the perfect solution for a good night’s sleep. The bonus is that it’s waterproof and it regulates heat fairly well.

But let’s think about this for a second, in terms of logistics: how are you going to unzip that onesie when your hands are locked within? This manufacturer probably assumed you’d be sharing the tent with someone to help you get in the unit, and out of it.

Cool Shoes

Of all the items on this list, we’re truly unsure as to how this works. First that air-conditioning unit will malfunction because it doesn’t have a vent. If it’s meant to benefit the external environment, it’d be really hot and stuffy for the owner to use.

What good is it to provide for the comfort of granite, soil, or mites? So these pair of kicks should only be displayed, not worn. Rarely before has a single pair of shoes left us so profoundly baffled. Screw it, we’re going back to crocs.

For Public Appearances

Don’t you hate going to the office in your leather shoes? Your feet are all cramped up inside them. The sweat pools by the cushion soles and dries up midshift. Don’t you wish you could go barefoot, while maintaining public appearances? Worry no more!

Here’s a shoe that is guaranteed to keep your feet dry and far less likely to get all stinky inside there (unless it already was that). Now you can rub it over the suede office rug. Collect cuts from broken bottles and pebbles on your way home!

Butter Stick

Now, for all of the harebrained inventions we’ve seen, we happen to think this one is crafty! Now you don’t have to use or wash knives, simply turn the knob and rub the butter over the bread slice. Wouldn’t it be worth the dollar purchase?

The only problem is cooking dinner. You wouldn’t want to apply butter over the pan like a glue-on, when the pan’s at high heat. If you were to apply it at lower temperatures, the butter won’t melt. So you’d have to buy a butter stick and a block of margarine.

Potty Training

Here’s a quick fix for potty-training your child. Place an iPad or any other sizable tablet on the stand, play a tutorial video of potty training, and have your child watch in fascination while seemingly understanding and applying the concepts all by themselves.

The only problem is that you are training your child to stay addicted to a quick fix of dopamine. Just play a couple of videos, and they’ll have surges of that neurotransmitter within a minute. She may be potty-trained but the downside here might be a reduced attention span.

Plastic Visors

Visors are generally important, but this one was uniquely fashioned after the Crocs brand. See the holes? They’re supposed to ensure ventilation for your scalp and your face. That ought to allow enough sunlight, just when that’s the same item you’re intending to shield your face from.

Just remember to wear sunblock, a minimum SPF of 50. That way you don’t have to reapply often while using this plastic visor. Or, if your head is too small, you might just end up getting the bizarrest tan across your forehead.

Grocery Runs

While doing grocery runs, you would have to use your hands to drive the wheel, select items, push the cart, pay for your goods, and unload your merch. Sometimes, you might even encounter a friend with whom you break social distancing protocols.

Just in case, why not reach on out and give him a hand — why, the plastic one, of course… After touching products over the counter, quickly dip your hands in those bags of alcohol. Wriggle them around while you sing a song then let dry.

Hidden Identity

Your pit is rumbling, the contents are churning fast, it contracts and yields; you squirm to relieve the tension but quickly stop to keep from expelling gas. So you head on to the bathroom, but as soon as you’re inside the cubicle, you’re ashamed of the noises made and how you can be identified by the shoes you’re wearing.

Enter the Incognito shoes. You can use these during your brief bathroom stint. You won’t have to worry about making a mess because no one can identify you by your yellow Crocs. Let it rip to your heart’s delight! Just hope that an angry mob doesn’t form outside your stall.

Deodorize with Avocado

Technically, that’s misleading. The only thing you’re going to deodorize is burnt toast. If you want a couple millimeters of avocado on them, turn the knob and give this rather strangely marketed fruit a nice smudge over that bread’s rough surface.

But beyond being rather unappetizing, this isn’t exactly eco-friendly. Whereas you could use the avocado peels as fertilizer, now factories have to scrape off the pulp and place them in plastic containers that have been mass-produced. That’s a big no as far as we’re concerned!

Eye Sore

Is there truly anyone among us who’s a pro at getting eyedrops in their eyes without cringing or blinking? You’d think that accuracy of target is the problem when you’re using eyedrops. That’s probably why you’re wasting milliliters of them. So someone attached funnels on eyeglasses.

Why doesn’t this help? For one, it’s not so much as accuracy of dispense, so much as timing. By the time those drops pour through the sides of the funnel and into your eyes, you will have had blinked a number of times, and that liquid will fall unto skin, not your eyelid pocket.

Turning Chinese

So you’re in the mood for some consistent comfort, and thus you find yourself frequently ordering Chinese takeout meals. But the problem is, you keep eating them with a spoon. This man invented a seemingly purposeful alternative to chopsticks. Does more friction help with getting more noodles?

Of course not, leverage from your fingers is key. Having two silicon ends that don’t meet, will only give way to the weight of the noodles. You’d be scooping air. Better to go with your bare hands. This looks like it was pulled out of a Tim Burton movie.

Multi-tasking

While traversing the neighborhood block, you can type a couple of letters, staple documents, move the cursor button, sip a cup of coffee, and wave to the girl next door on a scooter! Just attach one of these, and the world is truly at your fingertips.

Too bad the scooter can only be manned and ridden on by one person. Even if you attempt to do all of the above as a balancing act, you risk falling flat on your face and landing the infirmary instead of your workplace. Having to postpone office work seems to be the weightier option.

Motor Efficiency

How’s smoked burger patties for dinner? That, or you can grill ribs. Take out the frozen packs from your office freezer, thaw and place them in your exhaust before driving home. By the time you park your car in the driveway, it’ll be sweetly infused with carbon monoxide.

Sure, this seems like it’s just asking for a terrible accident to happen, but at least it would make for a saucy dinner with friends and family on a weeknight. Pair with a couple glasses of wine and a salad by the side to cleanse the palate. Bien Manger!